Well, I'm back in Fayetteville. My mom and dad came to pick me and Jackson up on Monday night and bring us back to Fayetteville. I think that maybe it was just too much all at once or something, but post partum is NO JOKE! I cried almost all day and night on Sunday and I guess Ryan and my mom decided for me that I needed to be in Fayetteville close to my mom for another week. I had to put my pride on hold for a little while and accept that some things aren't in your control and you just have to accept that. Jackson had a "weigh in" on Monday and was supposed to be at least 6 pounds but he didn't... He only weighed 5lbs,14oz - so he's still 2 oz short. His birth weight was 6lbs, 7oz so he has a while to go. The doctor told me that breast feeding may not be sufficient for him and I need to supplement. I didn't want to hear that, of course, but the most important thing is that Jackson is getting exactly what he needs. If his crying and screaming nonstop is a result of starving - well then, what kind of mom am I to deny him more food? I was breast feeding every 2 hours and sometimes more but he would feed for 45 minutes and fall asleep, but as soon as I would lay him down, he would wake up screaming! I just can only deal w/ so much - I was going insane! On Sunday night, he didn't sleep. I fed him for almost 4 hours straight! He just wouldn't stop crying and would NOT sleep unless it was when he was attached to my breast! I went 39 hours on 2 hours of sleep... anyone that knows me, knows I'm a person who NEEDS her sleep, but boy, that has gone out the door!
When we got to Fayetteville, we gave him some formula and I pumped some breast milk. He gulped it down and hasn't stopped since! My mom took off work on Tuesday and allowed me to sleep on Monday night- which was wonderful. We're going to keep him on both(breast milk and formula) and help him gain some weight. I don't know what it is about breast feeding, but I guess it's just not working for me. It's a major disappointment but I'm not going to allow myself to get depressed about it. The most important thing is that he is getting what he needs and w/ me pumping, he can still get breast milk.
Ryan started getting sick on Saturday with some "flu-like" symptoms, so maybe it was good that we left.. Jackson can't get sick! He's too little! Ryan seems to be doing better today, but I think he needed some sleep too! He seems to be LOVING his job so that's a real positive thing!
On Friday, Jackson has another "weigh in" here in Fayetteville, so hopefully he can be at least 6 pounds by then. They want him to be back to his original birth weight by then, but any gain will be a great sign. My cousin Courtney, who is 14, is staying w/ me this week since she's out of school and bored. She'll be a big helping hand for me - I may even bring her back to Little Rock w/ me next week (If she'll go!).
Anyway - I put more pics of Jackson in the slideshow since I haven't put that many out there yet. I'll try to get better! Time is such a precious thing these days! Thanks for all of your love, support and prayers! Love you guys!
2 comments:
I know exactly how you're feeling. You feel so sad all the time but you don't know why. Then you feel terrible about how you're feeling and you cry even more. You never expected anything like that did you? You can't grasp it until you go through it. Trust me, you WILL get through it. Mine didn't get better until about 8 weeks though so don't give up. Can't wait to see you guys! PLEASE call me if you ever need any help. I'm kind of an expert now :)
"This too shall pass" but I know that's not much consolation when you are sleep deprived RIGHT NOW! It's amazing how we all appreciate our mothers more once we are mothers ourselves.
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