Tired.

So last night was another doozy.  We were up SEVERAL times with Jackson - screaming his little head off.  He went to sleep ok around 815p. Then, it all started around 11p - just as Ryan and I finally fell asleep (I think we're overly tired or we would've been to sleep much sooner).  We let him go almost 45 minutes before going up and "tucking him in" which is what he was screaming for... Then, after that, we got settled back in bed and he started screaming again.  Ryan went up first and I just heard Jackson's screaming escalating so I went up.  We tried to reason with him - ha!  You cannot reason with this child when he's like that - he was frantic.  Everything we said just made him more and more mad and freak out even worse.  He just wouldn't calm down.  Finally after about 30 minutes of us both trying to calm him down - he settled down and went back to sleep - probably just from sheer exhaustion....At this point, it was after midnight. Then he did this again at 300am - this time screaming that he needed to go potty.  So Ry ran up and of course, he wouldn't even stop crying and screaming in order to pee.  So he never went.  Ry put him back in bed and finally he slept til 730am.  I am DONE with this.  It's officially been over 2 weeks that we've been dealing with this so this mommy is sick and tired of it.

New plan - which goes into effect tonight.  First, Jackson is cut off on any and all fluids after 530p - no exceptions.  In fact, it's going to be a big scene... because he's not going to like that at all.  I will tell him it's his LAST CHANCE to drink.  And that's it.  So no more pee-pee needs in the middle of the night.  Next, we're going to start getting ready for bed at 700p.  Daddy will leave and MOMMY will put Jackson to bed.  He has this weird attraction to his daddy and cannot say goodbye to him.  He gets so upset at the thought of not playing with Daddy anymore.  So Mommy will put both babies to bed - it's worth it to have some sleep.  I will do all the normal bedtime rituals with him.... brush teeth, PJ's, read a story, read a bible story, tuck in bed, prayer and I will explain, as sweet as I can, that mommy and daddy are going to sleep now.  We will not be coming back upstairs until the sun comes up.  That's it.  I will walk out and even if he's whaling when I leave, that's it.  Not going back up.  We have to break this vicious cycle and he needs to stop this habit of waking up screaming.  I told Ryan it may be another couple long nights because J is stubborn like his mommy - but I really believe that he's so smart - he will realize we aren't coming up and he will stop on his own.

For the last couple months, I have been planning a trip that we are supposed to take this weekend to Branson - just Mommy, Daddy and Jackson.  Ethan is staying w/ my mom for the weekend so she can get her baby fix and we could commit some time to just Jackson - a fun treat for him.  He's never stayed in a hotel before - so we wanted to test the waters a little.  Well, needless to say, I'm considering canceling that reservation.  I just can't have a frantically screaming child in a hotel room.  I don't know if that would mess him up even more.. I just don't know.  Part of me really thinks maybe giving J this one-on-one time will help, not hurt.  But I'm conflicted.  We'll see.

What makes me crazy about this whole thing - besides sleep deprivation - is that Jackson is an entirely different child all day long.  He is precious!  He's helpful and polite and sweet and SO happy.  He genuinely wants happiness all around him... whether it be ethan or mommy or daddy or the kitties... He's just wonderful.  My pride and joy.  And at night, he becomes this other creature entirely - this frantic, crazed child who seems completely out of it and not willing to settle down.  It's frustrating. Some people have called these "night terrors" but I don't know.  None of this happened before we "broke" the paci's.  I just think he doesn't know how to soothe himself back to sleep without the paci. He's having to "re-learn" to sleep. But maybe it is night terrors too... maybe his mind is running crazy since he doesn't seem to be really falling into that deep sleep. Who knows.

Thank God that we have only had one screaming child at a time.  Two nights ago, for the first time in forever, J slept pretty well and Ethan was up screaming.... We just can't catch a break on this sleep thing.  It's times like this that Ryan looks at me and says "you REALLY want another baby!?  Really!?"  I have to remind him that this is only temporary.... the benefits FAR outweigh the conflicts.  Hopefully, we can get some sleep soon...